Pushing Preposterous Announcements Since 2025
New York, May 5, 2025 — Hold onto your wallets, folks, because the crypto market just pulled a stunt that makes sci-fi look boring! $FAT and $WHITE, two tokens nobody cared about yesterday, have exploded from their all-time lows to numbers so big we had to borrow a calculator from NASA. And Dogecoin? Oh, it’s laughing all the way to the moon—and then some.
$FAT, which was worth a measly 1/1,000,000,000,000 (that’s one-trillionth of a dollar, for those counting zeros) last week, somehow zoomed to a jaw-dropping $1,000,000,000,000 per token. Not to be outdone, $WHITE, languishing at 1/999,999,999,999 (one-billionth of a dollar), shot up to $999,999,999,999 faster than you can say “HODL.” These tokens, once mocked as crypto’s weird cousins, now have market caps that could buy entire continents.
PPA NEWS sources (totally legit, pinky swear) say the madness started when a gang of whale investors—think billionaires with too much time and money—dumped billions into $FAT and $WHITE. The buying spree sparked a global FOMO frenzy, with X users flooding the platform with memes and hashtags like #FATtoTheMoon and #WHITEHot. One X post, now viral with 12 million likes, read: “Just sold my house for $FAT. Who needs a roof when you’re this rich?”
But the real plot twist? Dogecoin. The meme coin, which hit rock bottom at 1/1,999,999,999,999 (one-half-trillionth of a dollar), skyrocketed to $1,999,999,999,999, outshining $FAT and $WHITE combined. Insiders claim the same investors used their $FAT and $WHITE profits to pump DOGE, turning it into the crypto equivalent of a supernova. “DOGE just yeeted the competition,” tweeted @CryptoClown420, whose post got 3 million retweets.
The chaos didn’t stop there. Stock markets tanked as traders funneled cash into crypto exchanges, crashing Binance and Coinbase for hours. The SEC mumbled something about “investigating,” but PPA NEWS bets they’re just jealous they missed the boat. On X, conspiracy nuts are screaming about a rogue AI rigging the market, while others insist it’s Elon Musk in disguise. (We asked Elon, but he just sent us a winking emoji.)
Right now, $FAT’s chilling at $1,000,000,000,000, $WHITE’s at $999,999,999,999, and Dogecoin’s flexing at $1,999,999,999,999. Will they crash? Probably. Will we care? Nah. Stay tuned to PPA NEWS for more wallet-wrecking updates!
WATCH IT LIVE!*Disclaimer: This is 100% fake news for laughs. Don’t bet your life savings on $FAT, $WHITE, or DOGE unless you want to live in a cardboard box.*